I almost had you for eternity
by Tara1517
Summary: "I can't believe you made me a dress." She says though she should be saying I don't want to do this. I don't want to lose you. I love you. "You deserve so much more."


Boy oh boy has it been a long time since I've uploaded something in this website. This story I had written for Zutara week in 2015 if I remember correctly for the prompt 'escape'. And yesterday I thought; I should polish it and upload it here. So there you go. Enjoy.

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Katara knew it would come to this eventually.

They've been together for the last five years. She would be lying if she said 'together' held any significant meaning behind it. She and Aang have always had a sort of unique, inseparable relationship. Since the beginning. A relationship that if people knew its true nature couldn't comprehend its roots and to what ground it laid. Truth be told it strayed far from Katara's novice fantasies as a little girl.

They've never actually lain together. Aang has never touched her in any manner that would be labelled as 'intimate', other than a few gentle kisses. The urge has never existed, as simple as that. Katara knew that sex was an act of love, between two people _in_ love. She was so troubled for some time as to what the matter was between them. Why when she looked at him with all the love in the world, couldn't find it in herself to completely be with him.

She came to the conclusion that that just wasn't them. She had convinced herself that she was able to live without truly knowing the secret pleasures of her body.

Then a fateful night happened, extirpating her set of mind and everything she'd come to believe.

Zuko had been quite passionate that night, breaking the empty bottle of wine in his haste to taste more of her lips. Hands that had travelled up and down her body in an insatiable manner and she realized two significant things; that _yes_ she wanted it as bad as he did and that _no_ she couldn't bear to live without his touch for the rest of her life.

She'd never felt more alive than that moment when harsh realisation awoke inside her mind.

The morning after was bittersweet yet so _so_ gratifying in so many fashions. The way he'd kissed her good morning and the way he'd showered her with affection made her heart swell in happiness. They hadn't talked about anything relatable to the other night, both too frightened to shattered what they'd built, _found_ in each other.

They kept coming to each other after that, trying to make the best of the situation. And for a while things were almost...fine. They would take long strolls through the palace gardens, Katara marvelling at all the hundreds of different flowers and Zuko marvelling at her, enjoying her joy. They'd spend hours upon hours inside the library, reading various myths and legends or in Katara's case learning a bit more about the Fire Nation's history. Most of their times they had spent though seated by the small, secluded pond, feeding the turtleducks and sharing kisses, making plans for their future. How they would have a wedding in Spring and how Katara _would_ wear a traditional water tribe dress and Zuko telling her that he wouldn't have it any other way.

This kept going for about two and a half years, having managed to keep it under wraps for so long.

That was until Zuko got engaged. Arranged marriage. A nobleman's daughter, beautiful and young and shy. Proper. Easy to handle. Always staying silent and having no personal opinions. The councilmen _loved_ her.

Katara was no fool to their beliefs and ways of life. She could never be accepted as their Firelady, for she was too wild and free and _opinionated._ She had become her tribe's ambassador and they _trembled_ at the sight of her.

Zuko was silent for a long while after. Two or three weeks. Katara had lost count. It kept going up until one evening when the waterbender had stormed in his study, fighting off his guards with ease. She was ready to confront him and demand that he goes out to where the sun could reach him.

He'd fallen to her arms without much resistance, crumbling to the ground, tired. He had cried and said that he was pathetic for not being able to marry the one he loves. Katara had cradled him in her arms all night.

The turtleduck pond had been off limits after that and no one was allowed in except for the Firelord himself and Katara. No one dared question his decision.

This is the night of his engagement party, and this makes it official. It finally feels real.

Katara finds a dress laid out on her guest room when she saunters out of the bathroom. It's made from silk, and over the chest, it's adorned with white pearls and golden lace. There's not note but she already knows who is it. She wears it and stands before the mirror. It clings to her form as if it was made for her. She thinks it was. It's a beautiful navy blue colour, reaching down to the floor. When she moves it trails behind in elegant waves. Her back is exposed, showing off an expanse of chocolate skin. She decides to gather her hair in a loose bun, two braids wrapped around it.

When she enters the ballroom she burns as she feels a pair of eyes watching her. The festivities have already begun and Aang waves her over to him. She only spares a fugitive glance at the head table and her skin prickles as she finds his gaze. He looks so handsome, so respectable and _powerful._ She wishes she was standing next to him.

It was always meant to be this way. That was expected of them. The night passes and she feels something tremendous will happen. It really shouldn't have taken her by surprise.

And yet she finds herself standing still, eyes blank as the Avatar is kneeled on her feet in front of all the guests and leaders of the four nations, asking her _such_ a simple question. A question that determines her whole future, a new future unknown to her and she holds on so hard to her own fantasy that she doesn't want to acknowledge it. Doesn't want to accept it. To accept reality.

But does she have any choice? No, she doesn't. And so she smiles sweetly down to him and says 'yes' to a life she doesn't quite think she wants. She doesn't think she is ready, or if she will ever be. And when he jumps up and takes her in his arms all she sees is red. She thinks that it makes a good combination with blue. But so does grey. That's what the spirits have decided and she can do nothing else but comply.

People gather around to congratulate them on their engagement. Aang is beaming beside her accepting them with a big smile. Dad approaches her and she can see a few tears rolling down his wrinkled cheeks. Even Sokka sheds a few tears. Gran gran is the last who grabs her by the arms and hugs her, not so much from happiness but for support. She whispers a few quiet words that have Katara inhaling sharply. She's always known, how could she not? The person who changed her diapers, kissed her head when she cried, raised her to be the woman she is today.

She wants to yell at them all. Wants to say that they waste their tears in vain. That they have to save them for when the right person proposes to her. For _their_ wedding. For the birth of _their_ children. Not for this. But she remains silent and watches them.

Life is cruel. That's what she knows the best. She watches him as he approaches her on the balcony. It is his engagement party yet she got her own too. The irony, she thought. She needed some air and she had gotten out of the commotion of congratulations and hugs. She didn't know if she did this purposely just to meet with him. Maybe she did it without noticing because that's how these things work. When you make something habit they say you repeat it even in your sleep.

He comes and stands beside her, clothed in his full Fire Lord regalia and she has to look twice to find the boy - _man_ \- under this mask. She doesn't know if she is grateful of the quiet of the night or not. It makes their silence seem huge and thick between them. But they don't need words to communicate. They never did. A glance was to show interest, a touch to support. A stare to say I want you, a gaze; I miss you. A kiss to say I love you.

She closes her eyes as she feels him taking her hand between his own two and turns her to face him. She is afraid to see him. His feelings. His eyes. But he cups her cheek and she greets his eyes with hers.

"It seems like we were never meant to be." he whispers as he leans his face and steals a kiss. A chaste bittersweet kiss, full of sadness and pain. He runs his hands over her exposed back and she shivers, lips lost in between his own. He pulls away and now she is cupping his face as she leans her forehead against his.

"I take it you liked my present then?" he asks with a soft smile and she hates him.

"It's beautiful." She says, her voice cracking at the end.

"Like its owner."

"I can't believe you made me a dress." She says though she should be saying _I don't want to do this. I don't want to lose you. I love you._

"You deserve so much more."

Tears flow from her eyes, ruining her perfect makeup but she doesn't care. She raises her hands behind her neck and unclasps her mother's necklace.

"Katara.." He cries too now as she puts it in his open palm. He wraps his arms around her and she hugs him tightly, both seeking each others' warmth, wanting to be as close as possible for the last time.

"I want you to keep it." She murmurs.

"I'll keep it under my pillow," He promises, "So that my dreams may only be filled with you."

They cry together. For the past, that they hadn't savoured their precious moments together as much as they wanted. For the future, for the days they won't wake up together and go to bed together. For the children, they will never share.

It tears them apart, breaks into pieces all the dreams they had made. They can't be together, they are spoken to other people though they want nothing more than to be with each other. But sometimes you have to sacrifice something for the good of everyone else, to keep peace and order. Even if this something means the world to you. _Is_ the world to you.

They'd tried to prevent it. Gods knew how much they did. In the end, though they weren't able to escape their fate.

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Feedback is _always_ appreciated in any form.


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